So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
