Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
