You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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