sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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