He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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