Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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