it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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