he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
