Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
