Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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