No awkward lesbian experiences without me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
