when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
