what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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