I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
