Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
