Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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