Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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