I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
