That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
