Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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