I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
