Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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