I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
