I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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