i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
