HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
