so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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