and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
