i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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