Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
