I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
