I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
