life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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