Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
