Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
