i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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