i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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