Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
