Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
