sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
