I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
