Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
