What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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