So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
