She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
