who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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