we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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