clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
