this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
