your parents love me but you hate me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
