I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
