I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
