Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
